Motherhood sucks!
I’m not talking about raising your children… that’s its own kind of Hell. I’m talking about the whole process of reproducing. I think every mother will agree with that, especially those in their eighth month. It was so easy earlier in the evolutionary ladder:
At first, when an organism wanted to reproduce, it just split into two identical organisms. Doesn’t seem particularly sexy until you remember… TWINS! Try to remember NOT to tell a mother paramecium that her offspring looks “just like her”. SHE KNOWS. Back then, if a one-celled creature was an engineer, her offspring were also engineers… you could be sure that none of them would give up engineering to write Sons and Lovers or Of Mice and Men…
Same with spores, seeds, buds…
But, to really improve, you need two genders… at LEAST. Then, you take bits of DNA from either parent until you end up with a novelist living in your garage. If the world needs authors… or the parents have disposable income, the resulting offspring will live and thrive… although the part-time burglars living on the dole never seem to have any trouble finding willing genetic material to go home with. Dating trends I’ve noticed indicate that, two thousand years from now, people will have evolved into owning “sweet rides” and having fifty-inch breasts.
Evolution doesn’t seem very efficient. Improving a species by changing traits at random and evaluating the results is a lot like a drug study where ninety-nine percent of the subjects are in the placebo group. And, that’s with knowing in ADVANCE that redheads are going to fail the study anyway. Any group of humans basically allergic to our own Sun is not long for this world. If gingers don’t immediately contract skin cancer upon direct sunlight, they will definitely suffocate under the weight of their own freckles a few years later.
The real issue is that birth is an ordeal for “higher” organisms. Fetuses use a woman’s organs as pillows. That makes it seem as if our bodies were designed and then sexual functionality was added as an afterthought. Definitely, the penis looks stapled on at the last minute. And, the fetuses don’t even fit the womb snugly. The baby might come out head-first, butt-first or maybe it will just wave from the birth canal. I think rifling the womb might help put a nice spiral on the newborn…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
🤣🤣🤣 As a writer, did/do YOU live in your parent’s garage/basement/home as an otherwise functioning adult? 😉
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Oddly enough, I am the ONLY one of my siblings who DIDN’T move back home for a period after leaving… although, living in a garage would be SWEET!
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🤣 Somehow, I doubt that living in a garage would be sweet.
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I’d rather we evolve an external womb. Think how much more comfortable it would be if women could carry their unborn children in a sling purse.
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So, you want to go back to laying eggs?
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With men sitting on the nest 50% of the time, yes.
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Put a football game on the television and I doubt you’ll have any trouble getting men to brood…
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Birth ain’t the only issue where evolution is running slowly. I could go on about the design flaws in the human shoulder, but I won’t…or I have, but in a different venue.
Or maybe it’s the flaws in the human brain, where we try stuff and find out we don’t work that way, so someone has to invent a surgery to “fix” the problem, which means return the body to a semblance of its former state so we can break it again.
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I’ve often wondered what shoulder blades were good for… I mean BESIDES making Audrey Hepburn look hot…
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I discovered 8 months into my pregnancies that my babies were ticklish, and one of them had perfect pitch. When I was conducting the choir and someone was on the wrong note, the baby would put her foot through my spleen until it was fixed. Internal organs were not merely pillows…they were basket balls, trampolines, and drums.
One pregnancy, I was teaching ballet. The bigger I got, the more interesting my center of gravity got. Imagine pirouettes with an extra ballast of 25 pounds around the middle, off-center.
When it gets to the point where turning sideways doesn’t make it easier to fit through the doorway, and getting into low-riding sports cars become a gymnastic feat worthy of Simone Biles, this is where future mothers hone and refine their sense of humor.
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Towards the end of my ex-wife’s pregnancy, I literally saw the outline of a baby’s foot as he kicked. The older one kicked me in the back several times while I tried to sleep. Kids, eh?
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As someone who carried twins to full term and delivered without surgery, I can attest that the process was torturous. It’s not a good system at all! And, I wish it didn’t have to be me who had to do 100a% of the gestating. I deserve a hell of a lot of back pay.
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Being a mother is its own reward. And, you know how you feel getting rewarded with something you already own…
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