Signs that You’ve Just Given Up

In every new Minecraft game, you don’t build anything or mine stuff. You just wander out into the water, ala A Star is Born, and drown over and over. You start calling your children by the same name because what’s the difference? You start listening to ska. You watch the Weather Channel all day […]

Two Sets of Random Thoughts in One Week?

I hope that I’m never in a social situation where I have to use the term “vomit comet” more than twice… Anyone who tells you that they would never lie to get sex is deceiving you. I think you know why… Cauliflower is like foreplay: It’s boring and awful but you eat it because of […]

Meat By-Products and Tarzan

I just saw a commercial for Burger King’s new Crispy Golden Nuggets. I can’t be the only one unnerved by that name and by the fact that they never mentioned what animal they were made from; but, they were a dollar a bag and ten to a bag. The demographic this satisfies is the intersection […]

Fun Facts About a Border Wall

The border wall isn’t necessarily a concrete wall or a steel structure… it is a metaphor… a symbol. And, because it is a symbol, we can say for sure that Mexico will be paying all the imaginary money it will take to build that symbol… A border wall will funnel refugees through official check […]

Random Thoughts on a Snowy Day

People who say that there is nothing funny about compound fractures aren’t looking hard enough… After reading Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason, I published my own critique of pure reason. I think that my critique was more effective because I managed to connect pure reason with Stalin, Saddam Hussein and the mafia. Also, I implied […]