Meat By-Products and Tarzan

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I just saw a commercial for Burger King’s new Crispy Golden Nuggets. I can’t be the only one unnerved by that name and by the fact that they never mentioned what animal they were made from; but, they were a dollar a bag and ten to a bag. The demographic this satisfies is the intersection of people who don’t have a lot of money with the group of people who don’t care what they eat, as long as the calories in it kill the dull ache in the pit of their remorseless maw. A commercial shouldn’t make you sad for the people who use the product. Vienna sausages don’t do that. They just sit there in a low, easy-open Image result for vienna sausagecan waiting for you to resort to them. No one makes commercials about Vienna sausages. How COULD you make a commercial about Vienna sausages? Vienna sausages: Eat them after you’ve lost all hope? I’m even surprised that Slim Jims advertise. I doubt anyone can be persuaded to eat Slim Jims… It’s just something you are born with. Like a taste for sharp cheeses, or the need to lick a toilet clean. And, speaking of licking a toilet clean, I’m totally up for some Crispy Golden Nuggets. See what I did there? That was self-reference, a valid comic device that fools the reader into thinking that there was any planning to what was written. Frankly, self-reference is the only thing that separates us from the animals… well that and usually a chain-link fence… unless it is one of those fake safaris where you drive your car through a few baboons and tell your kids that it is what Africa looks like. But, as we all Related imageknow, Africa is the dark continent, filled with lions, tigers and white goddesses who later turn out to be smugglers… if the movies I watched growing up didn’t lead me astray. And, why would Johnny Weissmuller, an Olympic swimmer, lie? He wouldn’t, that’s why… or how… Maureen O’Sullivan might. I never trust women who weigh less than my shoes.

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7 thoughts on “Meat By-Products and Tarzan

  1. You forgot to mention spam … though that is really a topic all to itself and where’s the catch phrase??? 😢😢😢😢😢🐯🐯🐯🐯🦁🦁🦁🦁

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      1. How Hawaiian of you. It is a delicacy when served that way.
        My cousin Lauren Loveless of Oahu told me so. She has substitute danced in a Don Ho Show as a hula dancer, as a female attraction, not understand o be confused with the transitional mape warriors who danced the hula dancer pre-war.

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      2. When I was in Navy Housing, my best friends were Filipinos. Their father was transferred, so they were staying in temporary housing before they left and we slept over. The next morning, their mom took a hot plate and made us all Spam fried rice.

        At that point, I beheld the power that was Spam!

        I’m surprised that I’ve known you so long and you never told me that your cousin was a hula dancer; but, I guess some things you just don’t talk about outside the family…


  2. “Eat them after you’ve lost all hope…” Laughed at that – and drew the attention of my youngest who came over saw the nuggets and said, “Those look GOOD!” πŸ™‚

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