Some Lies About Truth

I want the truth. Unfortunately, like Tom Cruise, I can’t handle the truth. Another characteristic that Cruise and I share is that neither of us is married to Nicole Kidman… Truth is considered one of the noblest goals for humankind to aspire to. It’s not as noble as defending the weak, so if you want […]

Early Drafts of Famous Poems

The Tyger, by William Blake Tiger, tiger burning bright in the forest of the night I think that it was pretty mean to soak his fur in kerosene. ……….. The Purple Cow, by Gilett Burgess I never saw a purple cow though it might be endearing But, if I see one anyhow it’s genetic […]

Killing Time Between Birth and the Sweet Sweet Embrace of Death

Tape a situation comedy that you’ve never watched. Fast-forward through everything but the commercials. Write a review in IMDB… Arrange your socks alphabetically. Start an argument with a tortoise. Go through all of your old Conan the Barbarian paperbacks and, wherever the word “knife” is used, cross it out and substitute “cutlery”… Learn to […]

Think-things that Follow No Pattern

I wanted to recreate what it was like to be a fetus, so I kicked my mother in the stomach… My team lost the “Most Apathetic Team” trophy. The other team just wanted it less… How do you throw away an empty garbage can? I keep trying but when the garbage men see the […]

Ironies That Probably Aren’t Ironic

Rain, on your wedding day… unless the bride’s name is “Stormy”. If it is, you should really check into her past… Finding out, after working beside her for years, that your twin sister was born on the exact same day as you were and in the same hospital… Dreaming that the flight you will be […]