Genetic Achievements for a Better Tomorrow

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Use gene splicing to create a cat with the loyalty of a dog, the personality of a dog and the body of a dog.

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Engineer all new babies to be able to change their own damned diapers.

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Genetically modify cattle to fall into easily butchered parts when a secret word is uttered aloud in its presence.

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Engineer albino births for future careers as human chess pieces.

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Create a race of women with wide hips, large breasts and full lips; then, create a race of guys who are shorter and uglier than I am. Better give the women low standards, too… just to be sure…

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Engineer the DNA of wheat so that, if farmers use it without paying, it calls Monsanto and tells on them.

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Find the DNA pattern that makes someone really good at genetic science and remove it from all new-born babies, so we can get this nonsense over with in a single generation.

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Engineer snakes that whistle when they are within sixty feet.

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Create a master race of seeing eye dogs that will be prone to biting able-bodied people sitting in the bus’ handicapped seat.

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Clone Richard Roundtree. I know we’ve already got one but the one we have is getting pretty worn out…

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