More Books I Could Never Get Published

Cooking with Substances that You didn’t Know Could be Non-Toxic: Recipes using ingredients that most people think aren’t food, like crayons, Vasoline or kale. The cover photograph was a pie made from caulk and tennis balls. Burning Seoul: Twelves stories of Korean War colonels who risked their lives, fought against communism and contracted gonorrhea. Emphasis […]

Expected Reviews of My Book

One Star An Affront to God and Some of God’s Friends What can I say? I found his prose to be cloying, his plot points lacking and his client not guilty by reason of insanity. I found his metaphors on species to be labored and his metaphors on labor to be specious. The book is […]

Kindle vs Books: Why Books are Better

While reading a book, you often have to wet your fingers to turn pages. If you switch to Kindle, you’ll forget what your fingers taste like. Studies show that people retain more information from a book than electronic media. So, if you know a book’s going to be just awful, go with the Kindle. Reading […]

Works that I Worked on that Never Worked Out

A fictionalized account of the Bible where random people talk like Joe Pesci. For example, Solomon glared irritably from his throne, “So, I like, have a crown, so I’m here for your amusement, is that what you’re saying?” A book of critical literary essays. The first essay would criticize John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row. The second […]

Books By Successful Authors that Failed Utterly

The Da Vinci Cod by Dan Brown: Symbologist Robert Langdon scours the western world for a fish whose face looks like the Mona Lisa. The fish supposedly grants wishes. A shadowy albino character also seeks the elusive magic fish… with the intent to KEEP WISHING FOR MORE WISHES. The climax of the book was so […]