Why You Should Give the Gift… of Eels

When giving eels, put some young ones in the package and some fake plastic young eels, because everyone loves an elvers impersonator… If the recipient has no room in his refrigerator, any cylindrical storage will do. I keep my eels in an umbrella stand. Eels secrete a lot of mucus which can be a godsend […]

Actual Diets of Note

Ice Diet: Ice has no calories, nutrition, taste or reason for being a mainstay of someone’s diet. I think the scientific explanation for this diet is that people cryogenically frozen can live almost forever so why not freeze yourself from the inside? Tape Worm Diet: A tape worm can live in a person’s digestive tract […]

What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

Some Thoughts on Eating Dog

If you are going to eventually eat your dog, don’t raise it as a beloved pet because it isn’t polite to play with your food… In dog-eating countries like Vietnam or the Philippines, eating dog might just get you a case of rabies; so, if you don’t want rabies, avoid eating dog in those countries. […]

What Do Other Nations Eat for Breakfast

Rice Congee (China): When the call goes out, “What do you want for breakfast?”, the answer is a resounding, “Rice Congee, please”, according to a nationwide poll of no one whatsoever. You might think this rice porridge is just a bland soup… until you add the peanuts and squid; then, what you have is a […]