The Unspoken Allegory of the Fisher

If you are anything like me, you hate porcupines. [If you are a lot like me, you sneak sips of barbecue sauce from the bottle and have a recurring dream where you have to sell a used car dressed as a pencil]. Porcupines strut around like they are all that with dressing on the side. […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog: Low Fat Version

Dear Genetically-Modified Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, My boyfriend likes to sing along with the radio when we are in the car together; but, he only likes to sing along with the all-news channels. The other day, he was singing the NASDAQ to the tune of “Body and Soul”… I know I’m being overly sensitive, but now, […]

A New Idea: Almanac

[Still working on the format, but it will look something like this:] On January 8th, Charles DeGaulle was named president of France’s Fifth Republic. France’s Fourth Republic had fallen behind the couch and their sixth republic was out being cleaned. DeGaulle was permitted to rule by decree until a constitution could be whipped up. He […]

I Go Dark: Benefits of Raising Children in Crates

It makes them far easier to mail. ● With kids safely in crates, you’ll be able to keep your poisons and cleaning supplies within easy reach. ● It helps them to appreciate the right to stand upright, which our forefathers died for. ● Keeping children in crates helps prepare them for careers as mimes. ● […]

How Great Thou Art O’ Random Thart

I took a survival course. They sent me a letter, telling me that I failed the class; but, I’m still alive so I must’ve gotten at least a ‘D’… ☻ I developed a cheap covid test based on the fact that your sense of taste tends to lessen when you come down with the virus: […]