Bard to the Bone

[I have tried and tried to find work as a director; but, after years of failure, no one will hire me. I thought the best way to find work would be to produce my own “out-of-the-box” unusual versions of Shakespearean plays…] I directed Hamlet with box turtle cast. Most agreed that the acting was good…as […]

More Things Guaranteed to Turn Out Badly

Goose liver jerky. ☺ Any “how to be your own lawyer” book written from prison. ☺ Air freshener with the clean pleasant scent of radon. ☺ Selling “No Solicitor” signs door-to-door. ☺ A cruise ship hosting a diamond-cutting contest. ☺ A pickled herring/orange Kool-aid diet. ☺ A movie where the hero, a KKK member, defeats […]

My Thanksgiving Dinner, a Post Mortum

[I am so… so… sorry] After you lose your zeal for living offer to cook for Thanksgiving Start by cooking vegetables that, as such, no one is ever going to touch. There’s delicious stuffing But, you keep having to find the two-year old so you get nuffing Still, being with your family is fun And, […]

Why We Should All Smoke Cigarettes

Emphysema will get you excused from almost any chore. ◙ A cigarette used to indicate the end of sex, which used to be helpful because, without it, I’d lose my place and keep going long after it was pleasurable for either of us. ◙ When people see you with a lit cigarette, they know you […]

Immutable Truths

Before seeking revenge, first dig TWO graves. That way, if your revenge is cutting the other guy in half, you’ll be all ready. ● The bigger they come, the harder they hit. ● The teacher for your hardest subject will be the one with the thickest accent. ● It takes a big man to admit […]