Ye Olde Randome Thoughts

I was involved in a nude photo shoot and I want those pictures back. You can tell I was nude because the person I was photographing looks pretty shocked…. So many people we say are in a “special place in Hell” that they hardly seem special anymore… “I have learned everything… taken every college course, […]

Why I Keep Bats in My Laundry Room

I might meet a woman who is turned on by rabies. My son needs a pet and he’s a night-person. Because there’s a perfectly good ceiling that no one was using. If you know a better way of getting rid of laundry mosquitoes I’d like to hear it. If I ever feel that the Covid […]

How to Tell if You are in the Depths of Depression and Despair

[Sorry friends. Massive attack of depression. All right now] Your energy level won’t power a potato clock. You find yourself turning more and more to “comfort foods”, which, in my case, is baby formula blended with three Milky Way bars. You find yourself reevaluating your life-choices; like your decision to sit in your recliner for […]

Insul-pliments

I’m not saying that you suck. I’m just saying that, if I had to make a list of people who didn’t suck, you wouldn’t be on it… She’s a handsome woman with a great personality. He’s a quiet unassuming man who doesn’t look very much like a pedophile. He’s a man who goes through a […]

Why I Hate Wheaties

Wheaties uses athletes to sell itself because every dietician recommends athletes get more wheat in their diet… “Wheaties” is the laziest cereal name in the history of cereal and in the history of names. It’s as if the boss came in, told them to come up with a great name for a wheat cereal, and […]