I was involved in a nude photo shoot and I want those pictures back. You can tell I was nude because the person I was photographing looks pretty shocked….
So many people we say are in a “special place in Hell” that they hardly seem special anymore…
“I have learned everything… taken every college course, earned every possible degree in every possible language. I know everything and I want to offer my services”
“Wow! You’re a regular Einstein!”
“Who the hell is Einstein?”
Having a mouse in your home is the equivalent of having a pet that you cannot find and eats whatever it wants.
If I had access to a time machine, I’d never want to go back to a time before the invention of french fries…
I recently synthesized my own methamphetamine out of instant espresso and guilt.
You know, in Google, you can type in “nude woman” and ANYTHING ELSE… “elephant”, “mountain climbing”, “hunting”… and you’ll find photographs. It’s gotten me thinking that, if you want to talk to someone with a LOT of life experience, talk to a nude woman…
I dreamt that I slept for eight hours; then, after an hour, I woke up. For the rest of the night I laid there in the dark wondering if I should be tired.
I find that my love of anime and historically important chess matches gets me laid more often than I’d like.
As I get older, I find myself buying cat food from time to time because I cannot remember if I own a cat.