Flightless Facts about Emus

Emus exist in the wild only in Australia, which is a tough break for them… Female emus, or “femus”, are a little taller than their male counterparts (or “counterpemus”). Femus are also a little wider across the butt and pointing that out gets you a hard peck on the head. Emus can live up to […]

How to Get Away with MURDER

Try to avoid leaving evidence behind. Don’t drop any hairs, fibers, saliva, sperm, eye-juice, old comic books or personal checks… If someone feels you have a grudge against the deceased, you will receive extra scrutiny. Be nice to your intended victim… really nice; but, if you end up having sex, REMEMBER, don’t drop any hairs, […]

Excerpt From Book I’m Working on

Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans. Death is what happens to you when you are making other plans while standing in a crosswalk. It’s hard to define life and death… if something thrived as a plasma on the surface of our Sun would it be alive? And, if it […]

Holiday Travel Tips

Avoid peak travel times. For example, if you normally travel the day before Thanksgiving, choose a less busy time, like the middle of October. If you have gifts you simply must bring, mail them instead and you save a lot of trouble; in fact, while the box is open, just jump in and save the […]

What I’m Thankful For, Part 3

I’m thankful for my two sons, without whom I’d still be wondering why my wife got so fat those two six-month periods in the nineties. I’m thankful for the First Amendment, which allows me to say what I want; and, for the Second Amendment which allows me to shoot people who say things I don’t […]