Holiday Travel Tips

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Avoid peak travel times.  For example, if you normally travel the day before Thanksgiving, choose a less busy time, like the middle of October.

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If you have gifts you simply must bring, mail them instead and you save a lot of trouble; in fact, while the box is open, just jump in and save the price of a ticket entirely.

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Pack lightly.  Airlines have steadily increased the price of a checked bag from twenty-five to fifty dollars.  Plans are being made next year to make checking a bag a capital offense.

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Arrive early.  TSA officials are human, just like the rest of us; unlike the rest of us, they can perform their job as poorly as possible with no consequences… plus they can grope anyone they like, provided they are of the same gender.

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Print your boarding pass at home.  Airline ticket counters can be frustrating due to the long lines and the fact that the employees don’t care whether you live or die.

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Check other options.  You might make better time flying to a nearby city and taking a bus to your destination.  You might make better time if you take a train to another city and take an airplane from that city and have yourself dropped from that plane near your destination.  You’ll make great time if you simply stay home and you won’t have to explain to your uncle that Muslims are NOT technically insects…

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Keep an eye on conditions.  Bad weather can cause you to miss your connecting flight through delays.  Really bad weather can cause you to miss those bittersweet days at the beach house, just you and Sarah, lounging in a warm bed with bear claws and coffee…

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Stay calm.  Getting upset over circumstances you have no control over solves nothing.  Plus, most authority figures involved in your travel can have you shot or imprisoned if you irritate them.

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Highway driving should be done very early or very late to avoid traffic jams.  That way, you’ll maintain a nice steady speed just before you fall asleep at the wheel.

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A train might get you to your destination more slowly but it can make up for it by being three times as expensive.

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11 thoughts on “Holiday Travel Tips

      1. Both sets of our parents are near (not like you would know it) and for the longest time they expected us to go from one house to the next for 2 dinners. When we had Declan we couldn’t anymore (praise the Lord) so now we split Thanksgiving and Easter between the two and claimed Christmas as “we have kids and aren’t going anywhere” day. You’re right though, they still come (although all at different times as the sets don’t get along too well).

        Liked by 1 person

  1. On Thanksgiving, I travel to my Lazyboy, drink beer, and watch football all day. Well, I also have to make an occasional side trip to the house of John, but in a way it’s a relief, and at least I don’t have to pay through the nose.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. YES! These are hilarious. Now that my children and grandchildren are all here and we are “watching” a football game together, I will get “please-don’t” looks if I try to share any of these, so I here am just sitting on the couch chuckling to myself. They’ll never know what they’re missing.

    Liked by 1 person

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