Conspiracy Theories of Note

Elvis Presley: Some people think that Elvis did NOT die in 1977. The prevailing theory amongst these people is that he died in 1936 and was replaced with a look-alike, also named Elvis Presley. John F. Kennedy: Did Oswald kill Kennedy? Some say that John Kennedy was so intelligent that his brain exploded out of […]

Horrifying Mexican Foods, or Why We are Building a Wall

Aguachile: This dish is shrimp and other seafood “cooked” in a mixture of lime juice and chilies. And, “cooked” in this case means “marinated in lime juice and left raw”. Using acids like lime juice to cook something is ridiculous. I tried it once and they were the worst biscuits I ever made… Chahuis: Chahuis […]

How Coronavirus Will Change Your Life

Your favorite brand of Mexican beer suddenly goes on sale. People are coughing into their elbows and sneezing into their shoes. Your boss asks you to start working from home and you are the janitor. Clearing the seats around you at the movies is just an elbow cough away. Any Purell you own is suddenly […]

Why You Should Give the Gift… of Eels

When giving eels, put some young ones in the package and some fake plastic young eels, because everyone loves an elvers impersonator… If the recipient has no room in his refrigerator, any cylindrical storage will do. I keep my eels in an umbrella stand. Eels secrete a lot of mucus which can be a godsend […]

Before Sex We Should…

This one is from a Twitter tag. Before Sex We Should… Make sure our parents aren’t siblings. Strictly define what the word “orgasm” means. Warn each other about anything grotesque about our bodies… Exchange next-of-kin information Come clean about any fetishes either of us has involving barbecue sauce or throwing knives. Be certain neither […]