Notes on the Roadrunner

You don’t see a bird like the roadrunner every day… unless you live next door to one and it washes its car a lot… which would be frustrating because you’d like just ONE day to be edging your lawn and not have to make small talk with it while it waxes its Trans Am… Roadrunners […]

How to get Your Party-Goers to LEAVE

Lie on the floor and roll from one side of the room to the other over and over. Tell everyone that the party is moving to the patio. By the time they realize there is no patio, the door is locked. When you want everyone to leave, release toddlers into the crowd. After the adults […]

Why I Might be a Lesbian

[Being a straight white male, it never occurred to me that I might become a lesbian; but, it turns out, I’ve got a lot in common with them] Like a lesbian, I enjoy having sex with women. These women weren’t lesbians, of course… at least they weren’t before the sex… Like a lesbian, no woman […]

A Random Thought is Often Sought

Frozen solid and hit with a hammer, he died a broken man… If you have an harmonica, you are never truly alone… until you start playing it… Do what you like to me; but, I won’t put up with ANYONE hurting my children unless they have a fairly reasonable explanation for doing so… Brevity is […]

Ich Will: Christmas Edition

What I Want for Christmas You’ve heard of that box with the button on it that, when you press it, someone you don’t know dies and you get a million dollars? Well, I want that; then, I’d go out and meet EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT TUCKER CARLSON… and then press the button. I want […]