Why I Might be a Lesbian

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[Being a straight white male, it never occurred to me that I might become a lesbian; but, it turns out, I’ve got a lot in common with them]

Like a lesbian, I enjoy having sex with women. These women weren’t lesbians, of course… at least they weren’t before the sex…

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Like a lesbian, no woman has ever looked at me after sex and said, “Wow! What a man!”

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Like a lesbian, I often encounter discrimination based on my sexual preferences, mostly because people don’t want me to reproduce…

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A lesbian relationship can be pretty solid because they understand what their partner is thinking. I was the same way, mostly because my wife was pretty vocal about what was on her mind.

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Lesbians tend to be attracted to more subtle characteristics like confidence, a nuanced scent and flannel shirts. I’m even more nuanced in that I need literally nothing to be attracted to a woman. Once I dated a crayon stick figure of a woman and even called her the next day…

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Some lesbians are “butch”… i.e. masculine. I did a push-up once, which caused so much testosterone to be released into my body that I grew a beard on my earlobes.

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I want to go trout fishing with Rachel Maddow.

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Lesbians tend to be very self-sufficient. I personally need no help at all to curl into a fetal position on my kitchen floor when I cannot find the can opener.

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I get angry when people make jokes about lesbians, unless those jokes are sensitively fashioned in the form of a humorous list…

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Lesbians tend to make women as a group seem stronger and more substantial. By comparison, I do the same thing.

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20 thoughts on “Why I Might be a Lesbian

  1. I can’t think of a thing to same about this which wouldn’t be politically insensitive so instead I’m going to share something sweet: Row, row, row your boat and fall into the depths. If your not swallowed by a whale you might come out soaking wet.

    Liked by 2 people

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