Other Bucket Lists Pail in Comparison

I want to see Rome before I die, preferably from a flying saucer. I want to make my own lizard using only items I have around the house. I want to perform the lead role in an all-nude production of Mame. I want to trip Charlie Sheen… or, if that isn’t possible, Emilio Estevez… I […]

Least Effective Methods of Suicide

Blowing your brains out with an electric fan. Slashing your elbows. Throwing yourself under a moving cat. Jumping off the roof of a very tall building onto the roof of a slightly shorter building. Caulking your lungs shut. Choking yourself on the breasts of a CPR dummy. Overdosing on Fiddle-faddle. Hanging yourself from a shoe […]

What Can I Do? A Riff…

[Remember when you were a kid, sitting around with your family… and the television wasn’t on because no one felt like climbing onto the tin roof and adjusting the antenna so you sat around riffing on one topic with your family? Neither do I but it’s fun to pretend…] I saw a speech about doing […]

Trees I Hate

Long Needle Pine: Long needle pines provide no shade and their wood oozes a bad smelling glue; plus, I don’t trust a tree without lower branches. If I get a kite or model rocket stuck fifty feet above the earth, a mature long needle pine has so few branches that it is almost impossible […]

Random Thoughts from a Blue Planet

There’s a time to talk to your son about masturbation; but, apparently, it ISN’T during Thanksgiving dinner in front of his kids. I was studying non-abelian groups, last night. The reason I study non-abelian groups is so that I can start conversations with “I was studying non-abelian groups, last night”. I got the idea one […]