I Solve Another Problem and You’re Welcome

Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about white people calling the police on black people for the most trivial of reasons. Most recently, two managers at a Chicago CVS drugstore called the police on a woman for using a coupon they felt was suspect. Now, I hate people who used coupons as much as everyone […]

Injuries and Ailments that I LOVE

Slamming Thumb in Car Door: Often one’s first real injury. You don’t feel it at first because there’s kind of a shock involved. But, after the tears and pain, you’ve got a black fingernail to show your friends and, when it falls off, to throw at girls. Cold: My voice is weak and reedy. It’s […]

Things I Love about The Godfather

It explains why Frank Sinatra was allowed to make feature movies way better than my theory about the Lizard People… It keeps Diane Keaton to a minimum, which is something Woody Allen could never accomplish. For those of us who wondered, it showed that Marlon Brando could be killed with ordinary household bug spray. […]

A Rant About Electrons and Kidney Stones

I saw an article recently titled “Why do We Believe in Electrons but Not in Fairies?”. I think I have an answer for that question: I’ve never been knocked to my knees by fairies flowing through an exposed wire. Electrons, for such a small object, pack quite a punch. If we could hit, pound […]

Trees I Hate

Long Needle Pine: Long needle pines provide no shade and their wood oozes a bad smelling glue; plus, I don’t trust a tree without lower branches. If I get a kite or model rocket stuck fifty feet above the earth, a mature long needle pine has so few branches that it is almost impossible […]