Morale Dilemmas

[This is the mid-term for Ethics of Empirical Rationalist Existentialists of the Reformation. Please answer every question as completely as possible, unless told to do exactly the opposite; in that case, decide for yourself] Question One Someone cuts you off in traffic and you have a remote control that will make his head explode. Do […]

I Solve Another Problem and You’re Welcome

Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about white people calling the police on black people for the most trivial of reasons. Most recently, two managers at a Chicago CVS drugstore called the police on a woman for using a coupon they felt was suspect. Now, I hate people who used coupons as much as everyone […]

Injuries and Ailments that I LOVE

Slamming Thumb in Car Door: Often one’s first real injury. You don’t feel it at first because there’s kind of a shock involved. But, after the tears and pain, you’ve got a black fingernail to show your friends and, when it falls off, to throw at girls. Cold: My voice is weak and reedy. It’s […]

Things I Love about The Godfather

It explains why Frank Sinatra was allowed to make feature movies way better than my theory about the Lizard People… It keeps Diane Keaton to a minimum, which is something Woody Allen could never accomplish. For those of us who wondered, it showed that Marlon Brando could be killed with ordinary household bug spray. […]

A Rant About Electrons and Kidney Stones

I saw an article recently titled “Why do We Believe in Electrons but Not in Fairies?”. I think I have an answer for that question: I’ve never been knocked to my knees by fairies flowing through an exposed wire. Electrons, for such a small object, pack quite a punch. If we could hit, pound […]