Why I’m Going on an All Mayonnaise Diet

No one recommends an all mayo diet so when I go on one I won’t look like a “follower”. Mayonnaise doesn’t require chewing, which will save my teeth for an extra decade of snarling at people. I ate a lot of raw vegetables as a young man, so if I eat only mayo until I […]

Stuff that has Gotten Me in Trouble

I sent a condolence card to a friend but I added “if she faked her death, please disregard this card”… I was wondering what would happen if I put an entire box of detergent into the washing machine and while I was wondering that, I stole my mom’s purse. When the police were searching my […]

Olio, Scraps, Ort, Hodgepodge and Other Floor Sweepings

We did a blind taste test but it turns out they pretty much taste like sighted people… The problem with the adage, “Winners write the history books” is that it implies that, somehow, historians are “winners”… Donald Trump is as honest as the day is long… not a day on this planet but on one […]

Taste Treats of my Youth that Weren’t

Canned Peaches: These were for people who wanted peaches all year round AND wanted them to be slimier. They had an almost sentient ability to avoid being cut up with your spoon. Uncut, you’d have to chase them around the bowl until your mom turned her head and then GRAB ‘EM AND STUFF ‘EM IN […]

Employ these Methods of Not Getting Fired

Make it an EEOC Thing: Convince your boss that you are a Bi Cherokee handicapped veteran and he will never be able to fire you for fear of discrimination claims. They know that, if they do fire you, they can be sued by all five of you. Do the Dirty Jobs: Volunteer for every task […]