Employ these Methods of Not Getting Fired

Mr. Spacely from the Jetsons Available at 2pm EST Today at Funko ...

Make it an EEOC Thing: Convince your boss that you are a Bi Cherokee handicapped veteran and he will never be able to fire you for fear of discrimination claims. They know that, if they do fire you, they can be sued by all five of you.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Do the Dirty Jobs: Volunteer for every task no matter how onerous. This includes safety meetings, canned food drives and those moronic “ice cream socials”

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Be Crazy: Dangerously crazy… tics and all. Just be careful that your boss isn’t keeping his job using the same method.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Go Over Your Boss’s Head: Way over… as in the branches of a nearby tree. Then, call out, “Halloo” and when he looks up, you drop on him.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Do a Good Job: Show up on time; pay attention; don’t steal office supplies… but we all know THAT’S not gonna happen.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Add Dotted Lines to the org chart. A LOT of them. Your boss may be Maggie Chun but you are loosely affiliated with Bob Rector, Nancy Foster and the Emperor of Japan. Cut that non-dotted line at your own peril, lady. The Japanese are not a forgiving people.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Donate an Organ: Maybe a kidney… perhaps both, just to be sure. The dialysis is worth the shamefaced obligation everyone will feel to keep you employed until you die young from not having kidneys.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Be Obsequious: When the boss says, “Good morning”, you reply, “Great idea, boss”. You no longer care that the boss’ butt isn’t kissing you back. Your job duties have been amended to include sniveling… I could go on.

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

They Can’t Fire What They Cannot Find: And, they cannot find you if you are disguised as the legendary Minotaur. It will require sitting in the makeup chair for three hours each morning and wearing uncomfortable prosthetics; but, you’ll get to stalk, kill and eat Greek virgins in a maze and who doesn’t want to do that?

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

Blackmail: There are people that cannot be blackmailed… IN CARTOONS, MAYBE. In real life EVERYONE has done things they don’t want anyone to know about… sometimes three things before breakfast. Even I can be blackmailed over that misunderstanding involving Greek virgins and the maze. If you use photographic evidence, KEEP THE NEGATIVES. Of course, if there are negatives, you somehow found a way to take photograph in the 1990’s, so keep a good list of stocks you can buy when you get there… and avoid New York late summer of 2001…

LinkedIn Job Search Android Uygulaması Duyuruldu - onedio.com

 

17 thoughts on “Employ these Methods of Not Getting Fired

  1. Now I am thinking of George Costanza and all his tricks. And then all of his attempts to get fired. I also liked the “Hallooo!” from the tree – that is not where I thought it was going and made me laugh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, the virgins came in both flavors: Male and female… so, check first…

      And yes, ice cream socials are a thing where I work (Department of Commerce)… mostly as a good will thing from various subgroups or unions.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For a couple of hours, representatives of a particular group hand out ice cream sundaes with seating all around and they hand out literature as well.

        As a change of pace, sometimes they sell hotdogs or hotlinks…

        Like

  2. If you’re trying that hard not to get fired, chances are you don’t want to work there anyway. But take there cheap ass minimum wage and, as revenge, do nothing all day. Napoleon Hill was part of the system we’re trying to dismantle!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s