Before Sex We Should…

This one is from a Twitter tag. Before Sex We Should… Make sure our parents aren’t siblings. Strictly define what the word “orgasm” means. Warn each other about anything grotesque about our bodies… Exchange next-of-kin information Come clean about any fetishes either of us has involving barbecue sauce or throwing knives. Be certain neither […]

Service Animals, Their Dangers and Functions

Back when I was a kid, there were only seeing-eye dogs. That is to say, if you were a dog and wanted a career path that didn’t involve you bouncing around like an idiot, then you would become a seeing-eye dog. They don’t call them that much anymore. Now, they are “guide dogs” because the […]

I’m So So Sorry

I’m sorry I hypnotized your dog into thinking she was a squirrel, but at least you’ve got all the acorns you’ll ever need. I’m sorry I bought you a treadmill without asking first. I’m also sorry about what I said about your butt, its size and what it looks like when you bend over. I’m […]

What if Trump Wins: Scenario #8

Using a fleet of Cray computers plus a Commodore Playstation that my father bought me as a child, I have calculated the sequence of events should Donald Trump be reelected. And, like building a mailbox out of beeswax and horse dung, the result is not pretty… November 03, 2020: Donald Trump wins second term […]

Quotes on Love Fixed by Me

Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it. Also, you might wake up one day and find that half of everything you own is gone because of it. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It’s even better to have loved and […]