I’m So So Sorry

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I’m sorry I hypnotized your dog into thinking she was a squirrel, but at least you’ve got all the acorns you’ll ever need.

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I’m sorry I bought you a treadmill without asking first.  I’m also sorry about what I said about your butt, its size and what it looks like when you bend over.

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I’m sorry I turned off the movie you were watching but I was told that Jane Fonda causes cancer.

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I’m sorry about Thanksgiving dinner last year and promise to be less creative in my choice of meats from now on.

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I’m sorry I made end of life decisions for your father but he seemed to be suffering tremendously.  When you see him again, apologize for me.

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I’m sorry I made advances to your sister, but I only did it because she reminded me of you… except she was younger, more attractive and far less willing to have sex with me.

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I’m sorry I made such a scene at your family reunion but I really did think your cousin was a werewolf.

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I’m sorry I celebrated your birthday without you.

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I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but I didn’t know the term “vindictive witch” was one of your “buttons”…

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I’m sorry I stole the pain-killers from your medicine cabinet; but, in my defense, I did use the money I got from selling them to buy you that treadmill… not that you need it…

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15 thoughts on “I’m So So Sorry

    1. You’ve gotta admit, that’s pretty meta. Like that Philip K Dick novel where a guy is looking at a hot dog stand, turns away for a second and when he turns back it is replaced by a 3×5 card that says, “hot dog stand”…

      Liked by 1 person

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