Random, Queen of Thoughts

Never have more on your plate than will fit in your lap. ☼ There’s a time and a place for obsessing about vegetables; and, that time is always and that place is radishes. ☼ If you are going to say something but are not sure if it’s intolerant or mean, just replace every other word […]

A Baby Emu Chick Answers Your Psychic Questions

Dear Baby Emu Chick, I recently had a minor fender-bender in which I tapped the car’s bumper in front of me; and, then I ran over the driver as he got out to investigate. I didn’t kill anyone in any serious way, so I’ve chosen to represent myself; and, if there is anyone else in […]

Some Bland Facts about Tofu

Tofu may reduce the risk of cancer. It might also bring you gold bars and unicorns while you sleep. Women who are going through menopause should eat tofu because the drudgery of eating it is a great thing to blame your wild moods swings upon. Freezing tofu turns it yellow. It is still good to […]

Why I Keep Bats in My Laundry Room

I might meet a woman who is turned on by rabies. My son needs a pet and he’s a night-person. Because there’s a perfectly good ceiling that no one was using. If you know a better way of getting rid of laundry mosquitoes I’d like to hear it. If I ever feel that the Covid […]

I’m So So Sorry

I’m sorry I hypnotized your dog into thinking she was a squirrel, but at least you’ve got all the acorns you’ll ever need. I’m sorry I bought you a treadmill without asking first. I’m also sorry about what I said about your butt, its size and what it looks like when you bend over. I’m […]