Some Bland Facts about Tofu

Tofu - Wikiwand

Tofu may reduce the risk of cancer. It might also bring you gold bars and unicorns while you sleep.

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Women who are going through menopause should eat tofu because the drudgery of eating it is a great thing to blame your wild moods swings upon.

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Freezing tofu turns it yellow. It is still good to eat… the yellow is just the blandness trying to escape.

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In the 1930’s a plastic was developed from tofu which was a surprise to literally no one.

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Tofu has no flavor of it’s own. If you cook it with something flavorful the tofu will suck the flavor out of that, too.

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Tofu is a complete protein, like a deer stuffed with a pig that has been stuffed with quail…

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I cannot eat tofu due to a pact I made with myself as a child never to eat ANY product that has been made from curdled bean juice.

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Tofu has been around for thousands of years, so READ THE USE-BY DATE ON YOUR PACKAGE…

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Tofu should be stored in water, by which I mean, thrown into the ocean.

How to Cook Soybeans

Tofu is not just for vegetarians. It is also appropriate for omnivores who’ve committed atrocities.

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23 thoughts on “Some Bland Facts about Tofu

  1. I think women going through menopause should just carry blocks of tofu around. You can throw it as hard as you want in an emotional rage and not break anything. I think I will be heading to the store shortly….

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Tofu also causes males to grow bigger breasts, as it releases more estrogen to be released into the body. Something like that. Google tofu/estrogen. So…world leaders should eat LOTS of Tofu…perhaps there would be less testosterone based conflict like wars.

    Liked by 1 person

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