The Ort of Kings

I was listening to the song, Desperado, and I felt that Linda Ronstadt was singing directly to me, so I said, “Thanks, Linda” and she didn’t answer which I thought was SO RUDE. I had “Short Man Syndrome” for many years. I realized that I was cured of it one day when I hit my […]

Why I’m Following Halle Berry

I heard that some nut is stalking her and I want to catch him in the act. I’m not really following her. I’m just going the same places she’s going but a minute or so after she does. I wrote a screenplay and I’m trying to get up the courage to ask her to spell-check […]

Police Blotter of East Westriverburg

11218 North South Street: Suspect was apprehended trying to activate a small light bulb with acid and two dissimilar metals. He was later charged with battery. Police broke up what appeared to be a silent riot at the Mahon Public Library but it later turned out to be a rumble between two factions of […]

Super Happy Fun-Time Math Riddles

Let x be a prime number. When x is written backwards, it becomes y… but, it really isn’t fooling anyone. What is x? What is x’s problem? Find a way to divide a regular hexagon into five parts so that it cannot be put back together to form a hexagon again. Notify its next of […]

Jobs I Might Take if I Didn’t Have the Swell Job of Computer Programmer

Toll Taker: Mostly because saying the phrase, “Here’s your change” sexually excites me. Mountain Climbers’ Guide: It’s out in the cold clean air and the job seems like an easy one that consists mostly of pointing up and saying, “That way”… Test Test Pilot: I’ve always wanted a job where I could evaluate the fitness […]