Jobs I Might Take if I Didn’t Have the Swell Job of Computer Programmer

Posted on by masercot

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Toll Taker: Mostly because saying the phrase, “Here’s your change” sexually excites me.

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Mountain Climbers’ Guide: It’s out in the cold clean air and the job seems like an easy one that consists mostly of pointing up and saying, “That way”…

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Test Test Pilot: I’ve always wanted a job where I could evaluate the fitness of test pilots. Way better than that job I had with the Census, polling pole vaulters.

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Barbed Wire Salesman: My regular readers know that I have a thing for barbed wire, although I’d draw the line at having a shirt made from it. As a bonus, the job offers the opportunity to say, “Here’s your change”. Yeah, baby!

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Ear Doctor: I think this is the best medical specialty because, as an orifice, the ear doesn’t have feces, urine or a baby coming out of it unless something has really gone wrong.

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House Painter: What’s the catch? Spend the entire day getting high on paint fumes and then hearing the inevitable, “I didn’t know it was going to be this dark” which is another phrase that turns me on…

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Psychoanalyst: Another easy job. Mentally ill people come in and talk to you until they get better. If they don’t get better, accuse them of “transference” which should shut them up.

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Jockey: A chance to be the center of attention while a horse does most of the work? Great! And, technically, I’d be the horse’s boss, so it would be a management position to put on my resume.

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Witchfinder General: It may seem like an antiquated and unneeded job, but just wait until YOUR dairy cow dries up or your son comes down with a case of scrumpox.

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The Guy Who Drives a Motorcycle Inside the Wire Globe at the Fair: Doesn’t that look like a blast? Driving around in loops while slack-jawed yokels and yokels with well-toned jaws look on. Plus, it seems that the skills you’d pick up would serve you well in everyday life.

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Drugstore Cowboy: I’d get to wear a cool hat; and, I think the aisles make the cows easier to round up. Plus, depending on the store, I might get a discount on my Claritin…

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25 thoughts on “Jobs I Might Take if I Didn’t Have the Swell Job of Computer Programmer”

  1. Jockeys fall off. My daughter works as a medic at a racecourse and a jockey came off on the weekend. Fractured skull, broken ribs. What about donkey herder? Way safer

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. So you’re a computer programmer? There’s absolutely no humor in that, is there? So this is your outlet? You should program on the side and make people laugh as your day job…you’re good at it. Here. Look inside my ear…it’s clean!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Ones and zeroes are NOT very funny. And, the more tiresome the subject matter I am exposed to, the more I want to write humor.

      As for your ear, I’ll be damned if I’m going to… oh, what the hell…?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      2. A machine learning humor would be pretty amazing. There HAS to be some rules that it follows. I’ve yet to find them explicitly, but I’m looking…

        Like

      3. I read another installment in my email, but when I went to the page, the page was gone. Did you decide not to publish the part with the president?

        Like

  6. Pingback: Lean Towards Your Edge (Why Stress Is Not As Bad As You Think) – A Barbarian in Gentlemen's Clothing

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Published by masercot