Jobs I Might Take if I Didn’t Have the Swell Job of Computer Programmer

Image result for toll booth"

Toll Taker: Mostly because saying the phrase, “Here’s your change” sexually excites me.

Image result for paint brush"

Mountain Climbers’ Guide: It’s out in the cold clean air and the job seems like an easy one that consists mostly of pointing up and saying, “That way”…

Image result for paint brush"

Test Test Pilot: I’ve always wanted a job where I could evaluate the fitness of test pilots. Way better than that job I had with the Census, polling pole vaulters.

Image result for paint brush"

Barbed Wire Salesman: My regular readers know that I have a thing for barbed wire, although I’d draw the line at having a shirt made from it. As a bonus, the job offers the opportunity to say, “Here’s your change”. Yeah, baby!

Image result for paint brush"

Ear Doctor: I think this is the best medical specialty because, as an orifice, the ear doesn’t have feces, urine or a baby coming out of it unless something has really gone wrong.

Image result for paint brush"

House Painter: What’s the catch? Spend the entire day getting high on paint fumes and then hearing the inevitable, “I didn’t know it was going to be this dark” which is another phrase that turns me on…

Image result for paint brush"

Psychoanalyst: Another easy job. Mentally ill people come in and talk to you until they get better. If they don’t get better, accuse them of “transference” which should shut them up.

Image result for paint brush"

Jockey: A chance to be the center of attention while a horse does most of the work? Great! And, technically, I’d be the horse’s boss, so it would be a management position to put on my resume.

Image result for paint brush"

Witchfinder General: It may seem like an antiquated and unneeded job, but just wait until YOUR dairy cow dries up or your son comes down with a case of scrumpox.

Image result for paint brush"

The Guy Who Drives a Motorcycle Inside the Wire Globe at the Fair: Doesn’t that look like a blast? Driving around in loops while slack-jawed yokels and yokels with well-toned jaws look on. Plus, it seems that the skills you’d pick up would serve you well in everyday life.

Image result for paint brush"

Drugstore Cowboy: I’d get to wear a cool hat; and, I think the aisles make the cows easier to round up. Plus, depending on the store, I might get a discount on my Claritin…

Image result for paint brush"

 

23 thoughts on “Jobs I Might Take if I Didn’t Have the Swell Job of Computer Programmer

  1. So you’re a computer programmer? There’s absolutely no humor in that, is there? So this is your outlet? You should program on the side and make people laugh as your day job…you’re good at it. Here. Look inside my ear…it’s clean!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ones and zeroes are NOT very funny. And, the more tiresome the subject matter I am exposed to, the more I want to write humor.

      As for your ear, I’ll be damned if I’m going to… oh, what the hell…?

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s