Toll Taker: Mostly because saying the phrase, “Here’s your change” sexually excites me.
Mountain Climbers’ Guide: It’s out in the cold clean air and the job seems like an easy one that consists mostly of pointing up and saying, “That way”…
Test Test Pilot: I’ve always wanted a job where I could evaluate the fitness of test pilots. Way better than that job I had with the Census, polling pole vaulters.
Barbed Wire Salesman: My regular readers know that I have a thing for barbed wire, although I’d draw the line at having a shirt made from it. As a bonus, the job offers the opportunity to say, “Here’s your change”. Yeah, baby!
Ear Doctor: I think this is the best medical specialty because, as an orifice, the ear doesn’t have feces, urine or a baby coming out of it unless something has really gone wrong.
House Painter: What’s the catch? Spend the entire day getting high on paint fumes and then hearing the inevitable, “I didn’t know it was going to be this dark” which is another phrase that turns me on…
Psychoanalyst: Another easy job. Mentally ill people come in and talk to you until they get better. If they don’t get better, accuse them of “transference” which should shut them up.
Jockey: A chance to be the center of attention while a horse does most of the work? Great! And, technically, I’d be the horse’s boss, so it would be a management position to put on my resume.
Witchfinder General: It may seem like an antiquated and unneeded job, but just wait until YOUR dairy cow dries up or your son comes down with a case of scrumpox.
The Guy Who Drives a Motorcycle Inside the Wire Globe at the Fair: Doesn’t that look like a blast? Driving around in loops while slack-jawed yokels and yokels with well-toned jaws look on. Plus, it seems that the skills you’d pick up would serve you well in everyday life.
Drugstore Cowboy: I’d get to wear a cool hat; and, I think the aisles make the cows easier to round up. Plus, depending on the store, I might get a discount on my Claritin…