Fire Extinguisher Instructions Written By:

Drill Instructor: Pull safety ring from trigger What are you doing? We’ve got women can do that better than you. From now on your fire extinguisher’s name is “Janet” Step back and spray burning area Now, you will do fifty pushups! Donald Trump: Pull safety ring from trigger You know firemen saw me handling a […]

How to Explain Donald Trump’s Tiny Desk

Recently, President Trump confused America by giving a speech from behind a tiny little desk. Still, no one knows why… but I have a few theories… The desk ISN’T small. Trump is growing at an exponential rate due to consumption of a radioactive bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. He will spend the remainder of his […]

To My Twitter Political Debate Opponents

Your side wants the death penalty; my side wants it abolished. Change the law so that, instead of being executed, criminals are just really badly beaten. Yes, I know you said you had sex with my mother for a dollar; but, my mother is in her seventies and doesn’t need the money (unless she’s been […]

Olio, Scraps, Ort, Hodgepodge and Other Floor Sweepings

We did a blind taste test but it turns out they pretty much taste like sighted people… The problem with the adage, “Winners write the history books” is that it implies that, somehow, historians are “winners”… Donald Trump is as honest as the day is long… not a day on this planet but on one […]

I’ll Keep You Grounded with these Facts on Earth Day

Earth Day was founded by Senator Gaylord Nelson on April 22, 1970 because he felt that Mars and Venus were getting way too much attention… Earth Day was one of the reasons Richard Nixon formed the EPA… well, THAT and the fact that rivers were actually catching fire. Although the two come within a day […]