Fire Extinguisher Instructions Written By:

Carbon Dioxide Fire Extinguisher Nameplate Labels w/ Instructions - Safety  Emporium

Drill Instructor:

  1. Pull safety ring from trigger
  2. What are you doing? We’ve got women can do that better than you.
  3. From now on your fire extinguisher’s name is “Janet”
  4. Step back and spray burning area
  5. Now, you will do fifty pushups!

Donald Trump:

  1. Pull safety ring from trigger
  2. You know firemen saw me handling a fire extinguisher and they said, “Sir, we’ve never seen anyone handle an extinguisher like that”
  3. I… um… hear that some acids can dissolve safety rings so have you looked into immersing the fire extinguisher in acid?
  4. I’ve let the fire get out of control?
  5. It’s Obama’s fault.

Psychiatrist:

  1. Pull safety ring from trigger
  2. The ring is a metaphor for your sexual attraction to fire
  3. I’ll need to see you at least one hour a week for the next ten years.
  4. Set back and spray flames
  5. How did that make you feel?

Sportscaster

  1. He pulls the safety ring from the trigger
  2. And steps back to spray the flames
  3. I’d like to point out that he’s five out of ten for all types of home fires but is at eighty percent for electrical fires
  4. And, that fire is OUT!
  5. But, there’s a flag on the play. Off-sides… so the referee is relighting his bathroom curtains and there’s a ten yard penalty.

Blues Singer

  1. The safety ring is pulled, the spray hose is aimed
  2. I take a step back and I extinguish those flames
  3. The fire is out
  4. And, I got no doubt
  5. My woman still be playing those games

Sam Spade

  1. You pulled the safety ring and left it in my office so I’D be the patsy
  2. Now the fire is out and your fingerprints are all over it
  3. So you thought I’d take the rap, didn’t you, Angel?
  4. Just like Johnny, right before you put a .38 slug in his liver
  5. No dice, Angel… you’re going up the river and without me.

MicroSoft Help Line:

  1. Is your fire extinguisher plugged in?
  2. Have you rebooted your fire extinguisher?
  3. This issue will have to be elevated to the next tier
  4. Please stay on the line and someone should be with you in a few hours.

22 thoughts on “Fire Extinguisher Instructions Written By:

  1. This is brilliant. Let me add one.
    Red Squirrel Mother –
    1. Enlist rodent army to lift extinguisher into place.
    2. Smash into blogger’s window like the rats at the Capitol did.
    3. Take over residence, build nests and propagate.
    4. Leave extinguisher on floor for owner to trip over.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. modern poet:
    he pulls out the safety ring/
    from the trigger/
    but there is no safety/
    there is never any safety/

    he sprays the flames/
    but they come back/
    they always come back/
    these flames of hell/

    and how can he/
    put the fire out/
    when he is the fire?

    Liked by 4 people

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