I’ll Keep You Grounded with these Facts on Earth Day

DHL's path to zero emissions by 2050: Tree planting in Vietnam ...

Earth Day was founded by Senator Gaylord Nelson on April 22, 1970 because he felt that Mars and Venus were getting way too much attention…

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Earth Day was one of the reasons Richard Nixon formed the EPA… well, THAT and the fact that rivers were actually catching fire.

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Although the two come within a day of one another, Earth Day is NOT the same as Equinox Day. Earth Day is celebrated by dirty hippies; whereas, Equinox Day is celebrated by lunatic Wiccans.

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On Earth Day, 2011, 28 million trees were planted. On that same day, 46 million were cut down. What do you think of that, dirty hippies?

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Most other nations celebrate International Mother Earth Day but the United States sticks with the name “Earth Day” because the other name is unnecessarily hurtful to orphans…

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The theme of Earth Day 2020 was climate change. Donald Trump celebrated by giving a speech on why he was the best president ever; then, he burned the contents of a gas station dumpster.

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Scientists estimate that dozens of plant and animal species go extinct each day. They still haven’t figured out why they go extinct in groups of twelve.

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The World Wildlife Fund has an Earth Hour observance where, at 8:30 p.m. on March 28th, you turn off all electrical devices. After tragedy last year, most surgical units will refrain from this observance.

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The United States has gotten hotter by three degrees Fahrenheit since the first Earth Day. So, that snow you didn’t get last winter? You’ll be seeing it in the form of a Category 5 hurricane this fall.

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Will humans become extinct? Maybe, but take comfort in the fact that we won’t go without eleven other species to take with us.

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23 thoughts on “I’ll Keep You Grounded with these Facts on Earth Day

      1. I used to know an actual hippie from the sixties who formed a commune in West Virginia with some of his friends. I worked with him in the 1990s and he still lived in the same commune and was a grandfather. Every year that had a big get-together at which, some of the times, Wavy Gravy had shown up. I was invited one year (he never invited people from work) and stupidly begged off. His beard and hair reached his waist. That was when I let my hair grow out….

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  1. It’s always the dirty hippie’s fault. I heard Trump blame them for the root of all problems. In the same speech he made sure I knew he was a great President. A really really great President.

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