How to Explain Donald Trump’s Tiny Desk

Recently, President Trump confused America by giving a speech from behind a tiny little desk. Still, no one knows why… but I have a few theories… The desk ISN’T small. Trump is growing at an exponential rate due to consumption of a radioactive bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. He will spend the remainder of his […]

Random Thoughts: Resurrection

I’ve found that, when I’m having trouble fixing something, the problem usually is that I’m not swearing at it enough. He told me that I was a complete and total fraud… but, I was just PRETENDING to be a fraud… She HUMILIATED me by pulling my pants down at a party… well, actually, I pulled […]

Andomray Oughtsthay

My mom was pregnant a lot when she was high with me and it didn’t affect my development at all… If you are a good enough liar, you can accomplish anything that you can convince people you did. I think the last big step in our evolution as a species was when we learned the […]

Other Things I’m Afraid of

I’ve managed to sustain my fears of failure for decades which I think is quite an achievement… I fear the unknown. Why? I don’t know and that MAKES IT WORSE. I don’t fear heights; but, I do fear breadths… mostly trying to pronounce “breadths”. I fear dying alone because then only one person’s day would […]