Random Thoughts: Resurrection

Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection

I’ve found that, when I’m having trouble fixing something, the problem usually is that I’m not swearing at it enough.

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He told me that I was a complete and total fraud… but, I was just PRETENDING to be a fraud…

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She HUMILIATED me by pulling my pants down at a party… well, actually, I pulled down my pants but SHE drew attention to it with her screams.

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The reason that the speed of light is so important is so that we know EXACTLY how long it takes light to get from the Sun to the Earth so that, if it is late, we know to complain to someone.

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I entered a frog-jumping contest and I managed to clear thirty and a half frogs from a standing position.

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None of the baby teeth I saved ever grew to adulthood. I think I might have overfed them.

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A bee stings and dies for the good of the hive but there is no record of a bee ever throwing itself on a live hand grenade.

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The highest paid sport HAS got to be bull-riding. Even a couple hundred dollars for a seven second ride sets the salary at forty-eight thousand dollars an hour. Even so, cowboys are pretty humble and approachable.

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I never understood how, in days of yore, public execution could be considered entertainment, until I spent an evening on a front porch watching a bug zapper…

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I don’t know what is an appropriate condolence gift for someone who’s lost a sibling but I know it isn’t one of those joke cans of peanut brittle with the spring-snakes inside… NOW…

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21 thoughts on “Random Thoughts: Resurrection

  1. That poor half frog – I’d say he took one for the team. Although the thirtieth frog probably died from a heart attack shortly thereafter! And I don’t know if you have issues with Lantern flies down there, but they swarm my area. I have spent the morning spraying different concoctions on them to see if I can kill them. I am still watching one scramble on the patio table after I doused it with vinegar. I ALMOST feel bad. I think I really feel, “DIE FLY, DIE!”

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Vinegar fly has stopped moving. But since my last spray of environmentally friendly insect killer I count twelve that have returned to my dining room window screen. How can I concentrate with that? They are so gross. Stupid flies.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Robyn’s first two sentences beat me to the comment I was going to make, but I forgive her because she’s better-looking than me. Wait — I didn’t mean that. What I mean is that I didn’t mean that in the way you may think I meant it — I meant it in some other way, which is to say I don’t know what I meant….I swear!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s not that you’re NOT swearing at it ENOUGH, it’s that you’re not using the CORRECT swear words. The proper swear words are like an incantation. The problem usually fixes itself. Unless the wife is around. Then the problem multiplies 100 fold.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL! She’s in your head…I often listen to women scream on random occasions and concluded in must be in their DNA. It works tho. Men hate it, and will do anything to stop it. If a fur coat doesn’t work, choking usually does. LOL!

        Liked by 1 person

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