The Twelve Step Program for Bears

Admit that you are powerless over your need to knock over and eat from garbage cans. Admit that there is a power greater than yourself who can keep you from knocking over and eating from garbage cans. This power may come in the form of a locking trashcan lid or a park ranger. Turn […]

The Tao of Woof

[How to understand your dog] A low growl: “I disagree with your contention that I should not lay on the couch” A low growl followed by a whine: “Your unyielding position on the issue of me lying on the couch has me concerned as to your mental state” A whine, followed by a howl: “Please […]

Tips on Breast Feeding

Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories, especially in conjunction with other exercise; For example, if you breastfeed while mountain climbing, you can lose up to two pounds a day… ten, if you drop the baby. A suckling child can tighten up the uterus immediately after childbirth which is the least he can do. The size […]

Stuff People Have Said With Stuff From Me Added

[The following are quotes from people far smarter than I am and who bathed way less often than I do. I just added something onto the end to make them more accurate] The best things in life are free. If you want the worser things, the price goes up rather sharply. I only regret that […]

Halloween Tips

Make your children’s costumes as dark as possible so that drivers cannot purposely run them over. Sexy costumes have a time and a place. The place is a party comprised of adults. The time is when you aren’t three hundred pounds, bald and with a rash down the lower half of your body. There is […]