The Twelve Step Program for Bears

 

Image result for bear

Admit that you are powerless over your need to knock over and eat from garbage cans.

Image result for yogi bear

Admit that there is a power greater than yourself who can keep you from knocking over and eating from garbage cans. This power may come in the form of a locking trashcan lid or a park ranger.

Image result for yogi bear

Turn over your will to that higher power or, barring that, submit to being shot in the butt with a tranquilizer gun, bound and carried to a spot three hundred miles from your home.

Image result for yogi bear

Make an inventory of yourself. Hat… check, tie… check… vest… check… you are, in fact, Yogi Bear.

Image result for yogi bear

Admit the wrong you have done to yourself and to one other bear of any variety except Panda.

Image result for yogi bear

Submit to your higher power to change you… hopefully while keeping your testicles intact.

Image result for yogi bear

Oh… and maybe no lobotomies either…

Image result for yogi bear

Admit to the people you’ve wronged that you’ve wronged them… WITHOUT mauling them.

Image result for yogi bear

Make amends to those people… probably in the form of freshly-caught salmon…

Image result for yogi bear

Continue contemplating what you’ve done until you start salivating and looking for more trash cans…

Image result for yogi bear

Make a better friend of your higher power (the park ranger) for your own sake and because maybe snacks.

Image result for yogi bear

Tell other bears about your transformation using that grotesque simple bear language of yours. After a while, the conversation may turn to banding together and systematically wiping out the human race. Admit that you are powerless to stop that as well…

Image result for yogi bear

 

12 thoughts on “The Twelve Step Program for Bears

  1. Great post! From reading it, I think I have determined that I have a problem. I will soon be mailing you one salmon. Ironically, I’m sending it COD.

    And the dry ice was extra, so you may notice a slight pong when it arrives.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s