[How to understand your dog]
A low growl: “I disagree with your contention that I should not lay on the couch”
A low growl followed by a whine: “Your unyielding position on the issue of me lying on the couch has me concerned as to your mental state”
A whine, followed by a howl: “Please put down that goddamned harmonica!”
Rapid angry barking: This indicates real danger like a squirrel or a phone ringing.
Fast non-threatening barks: “Despite what you think, I contend that we are not done throwing the tennis ball”
Dog rolls on back: A signal that she is about to fart something just awful.
Whining: “If you have an ounce of pity, you’ll give me some of that hamburger”
Gurgling: “I am underwater. Little help?”
Scratching at door: “I think you need the existential experience of watching me sniff around for forty minutes and then decide I didn’t have to pee”
Snoring: “I have spent the day protecting you from squirrels and phones so now I will fall into a coma while home invaders tie you up and ransack the house”