Immutable Truths

Before seeking revenge, first dig TWO graves. That way, if your revenge is cutting the other guy in half, you’ll be all ready. ● The bigger they come, the harder they hit. ● The teacher for your hardest subject will be the one with the thickest accent. ● It takes a big man to admit […]

Why the Part of Dracula should be Performed by a Donkey

Or, how is a donkey like a vampire? (Don’t judge me too harshly. High difficulty level) If you throw holy water into a vampire’s face it burns. Donkeys aren’t burned by holy water thrown into the face, but it sure pisses them off. Dracula didn’t come from Omaha. The same is true for the vast […]

Planning for your Retirement

Nothing beats an IRA or, as I call it, “Charlie’s Impulse-Spending Fund”… Δ Retirement is much cheaper if you live with one of your kids. Choose the one who paused the least when you asked if you could live with him… Δ In warmer climates, nothing beats living in a refrigerator box. Δ There are […]

I Only Hire the BEST Random Thoughts

I consider myself a slave to fashion. I don’t mind so much having to keep up with what clothes are considered “in”; however, I do dislike the forced servitude and the lashings. I’d quit Twitter except I feel that I’m just THIS close to convincing the rest of the world to adopt my political views. […]

Table Scraps

Dream it, wish it, do it, apologize profusely… What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110 percent all the time. Because a man attacking a problem he cannot handle or even comprehend, with all of his might, is hysterical. You are never too old to set another goal […]