Tips and Predictions on Global Warming

Before the ocean levels rise too much, we can put the state of Florida on stilts… or, for the good of the gene pool, let it sink. As farming states get warmer, switch what you grow and where: For example, in Nebraska switch from corn to okra and melons. In Georgia/Alabama, switch from peaches […]

Republican Ideas for Healthcare Reform

Allow people to buy insurance across state lines provided they can get sick in both states. Emphasize preventative care, mostly by raising your voice when you tell the working poor: “You also can’t afford PREVENTATIVE CARE”. Reduce the requirements to become a medical doctor to watching six episodes of Quincy. Make the entire hospital […]

Not a Cigar but a Whole ‘Nother Random Thought

I’ve only had one chance to have sex with a pro-football cheerleader; but, I waited too long and she woke up. A quick note to the world’s animals: If you can be breaded and fried, I WILL find you and I WILL eat you. People complain about Donald Trump, but he is the ONLY […]

Fears, Anxieties and Dreads

I worry that people will see my laugh-lines and assume that I’ve had it too easy all my life. When I go to a urinal and someone else walks up at the same time but finishes WAY before I do, I worry that I might be peeing wrong. I’ve got a gnawing anxiety that […]

Futile Acts of Voter Fraud I’ve Committed

On my registration form, I deliberately didn’t capitalize my street name. Next to my vote for my desired candidate I wrote “times infinity”. It probably didn’t accomplish anything but, when it does work, it will DEFINITELY ensure that my candidate wins. I started a rumor on Facebook that one of our local bond issues […]