Futile Acts of Voter Fraud I’ve Committed

 

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On my registration form, I deliberately didn’t capitalize my street name.

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Next to my vote for my desired candidate I wrote “times infinity”.  It probably didn’t accomplish anything but, when it does work, it will DEFINITELY ensure that my candidate wins.

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I started a rumor on Facebook that one of our local bond issues was caught in bed with a prostitute. I started a second rumor that the prostitute was caught in bed with a second prostitute.

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I went into the voting booth, but I didn’t choose any candidates before registering my vote. Then, I took an “I voted” sticker as if I had…

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I wrote in a candidate that I KNEW didn’t exist.

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At the polls, I pretended to be my identical twin brother with the same name…

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I stood outside the polling place and loudly called out, “What? Running out of ballots?” to cause a run on the polls.

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I registered my dog and cat to vote. Then, I had them vote absentee, each for a different candidate.

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I registered to vote in a state that I didn’t live in and didn’t exist. All hail West Fragylia!

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I handed out literature within five hundred feet of a polling place. That literature was Sinclair Lewis’ Arrowsmith.

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10 thoughts on “Futile Acts of Voter Fraud I’ve Committed

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