Solutions to America’s Debt

A one dollar surtax on every time a Texan uses the phrase, “That’s what SHE said” unless they are using it to convey what a female human or parrot actually said. Sell our tanks and missiles to smaller countries who are already at war on the condition that we get to film it and turn […]

Horrifying Mexican Foods, or Why We are Building a Wall

Aguachile: This dish is shrimp and other seafood “cooked” in a mixture of lime juice and chilies. And, “cooked” in this case means “marinated in lime juice and left raw”. Using acids like lime juice to cook something is ridiculous. I tried it once and they were the worst biscuits I ever made… Chahuis: Chahuis […]

What Do Other Nations Eat for Breakfast

Rice Congee (China): When the call goes out, “What do you want for breakfast?”, the answer is a resounding, “Rice Congee, please”, according to a nationwide poll of no one whatsoever. You might think this rice porridge is just a bland soup… until you add the peanuts and squid; then, what you have is a […]

How to Get Mexico to Pay for the Wall

Hire a shill to pretend to want to buy the wall at ten times the value. When Mexico pays for the wall, the shill disappears. Because he’s trouble with a capital ‘T’ that rhymes with ‘P’… Or, tell Mexico that Bolivia has its eye on it and is coming over to buy it RIGHT NOW. […]

Fun Facts About a Border Wall

The border wall isn’t necessarily a concrete wall or a steel structure… it is a metaphor… a symbol. And, because it is a symbol, we can say for sure that Mexico will be paying all the imaginary money it will take to build that symbol… A border wall will funnel refugees through official check […]