Still More Stuff I Miss

Posted on by masercot

Diceros Bicornis Longipes - West African Black Rhino (Extinct)

West African Black Rhinoceros: This creature went extinct a couple of decades ago due to it being poached for its horn. The horn, when powdered, is supposed to have amazing sexual recuperative powers. I will miss them because I am down to two doses and the holidays are coming up.

Pencil Sharpeners: No matter how bad your day was, you could stick your pencil into a medieval torture device mounted on a table at the back of the classroom and flay it until you felt better; but, schoolkids don’t use pencils anymore… they use pens. But, a pencil dies a thousand deaths; when a pen dies, it’s done!

Waiting at the Airport Gate: I miss waiting at the gate for planes to land. It was a great way to greet your home-team after winning a championship or jeering and pelting them with batteries if they BLEW IT AGAIN!

Dumb Toilets: I don’t like automatic-flushing toilets. I think the decision when to flush is a personal one between a man and his plumbing.

Non-Racist Soap Dispensers: I’m getting kind of tired of, when in the bathroom at work with a black co-worker, having to use my hand to dispense his soap because it doesn’t “see” his hand. My black co-workers are getting kind of tired of me singing “We Shall Overcome” as we leave the men’s room.

Smiles: With masks, I have to look at a person’s eyes to see if they are smiling. I still can’t tell if that person is smiling or just over fifty years old…

Democracy: Remember when the winning president was the one with the most votes? Good times…

Feeding Zoo Animals: It was great feeding the animals at the Jacksonville Zoo… although a little terrifying when that monkey grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into the cage with him.

Big Metal Cars: Because if you have a bad accident in a big metal car, its like experiencing a plane crash inside the “black box”. Plus, there’s room for the whole family, a nanny, the sister-in-law and a jazz quartet…

Hong Kong Phooey: I based my entire life’s philosophy on this cartoon character. Using his Hong Kong book of kung fu, I have brought many a smuggler to justice, plus that serial killer that killed waiters and took their faces…

Czechoslovakia: How I miss Czechoslovakia! The only country whose very name was a punchline… I mean BESIDES Canada. But, someone must’ve hit it in the wrong place and it split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia. “Czech Republic” is NOT funny and “Slovakia” is only funny if the guy saying it is drunk and not wearing pants…

Toonarific Clipart Gallery | Classic cartoon characters, Old school cartoons, Vintage cartoon

23 thoughts on “Still More Stuff I Miss”

  4. I had a whole conversation with my gym trainer, where I had NO IDEA what she was saying as I couldn’t hear her through her mask, but I could tell she was laughing from her eyes – so I just went with that. I never knew eyes were such good communicators!

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  5. I miss old school portable record players. Carrying them to a party was the equivalent of a 90 minute extreme cardio workout. Also, the bouncing tone-arm head with the worn needle gave me a good place to perch my spare nickels.

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    1. I had a moment like that when I delivered a pizza to a blind guy. It was a house in the bad part of Lubbock and the lights were off. I thought I was gonna get robbed. When I saw that the guy was blind I told him that I didn’t have any big bills and that I’d have to give him his change in ones…

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Published by masercot