From the Queue, Pt 1

[Stuff that’s been put to the back of my queue will be the bulk of this week.  Work’s been busy… sorry]

John Lennon said, “All you need is love”. But, when you try to buy it behind a hardware store at eleven-thirty, they arrest you. And, getting arrested is exactly what you don’t need. Another thing you don’t need are those corn holders that keep your fingertips clean while the rest of you is slathered in butter and corn juice. It’s like running into a burning house with three screaming children inside and saving the dessert forks. I HAVE NEEDS!

Firstly, I need to breathe, preferably air but in a pinch, I’ll take nitrous oxide mixed with tobacco smoke, if the band is good. We all want clean air because polluted air leaves a gritty aftertaste that is almost impossible to get used to; and, if you DO get used to it, they change the pollution to one less tasty. I remember when we made the transition from sulfur dioxide to forest fire smoke. When that sulfuric acid craving came over me, I found myself licking car batteries…which may not get you kicked out of an auto parts store but I guarantee an employee will be keeping an eye on you. Better to breathe clean air unless you’ve developed an allergy to it.

I also need water. I’d prefer clean water because it doesn’t have chunks in it. Hell, if I could get it, I’d take fresh water, created from combining hydrogen with oxygen. You could make your own oxygen as well, but that would require a super nova and that would require a pretty big backyard. I suppose under the right conditions you could make your own oxygen with your barbecue and fifty trillion tons of super compressed carbon, but that could be more trouble than it’s worth. Even being exactly as much trouble as it’s worth might be too much.

Food is the only need we feel the need to over-indulge in. Well, sometimes we take in more air than we should but soon we hyperventilate, fall over and hit our heads on the coffee table.

I need sex. Not sex explicitly as in coitus. I just need someone to promise sex in the near future to give me motivation to not get out of bed in the morning. It’s the promise of sex that most marriages are built upon. Even the possibility of sex is enough to keep a relationship going for a decade or so. So, sex is the moon; and, the possibility of sex is the finger pointing at the moon. Some turn their attention to the moon; idiots like me concentrate on the finger.

Most of all, I need time. Yes, I’m given time, but I always use that time up and no one wants to give me theirs. If all of my needs are met, you can bet that I will be able to free myself from anxiety long enough to develop more needs.