From the queue: Part 3

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[This is the last one, I promise.  Been sitting on my queue forever]

Youtube Stuff that is Stupid if You Think about it; But if You Think about it More it is Still Stupid

Cooking Fast Food Yourself: Do you like the IDEA of an Egg McMuffin or a combination taco but hate the Egg McMuffin and combination taco? There are people who recreate them in their own kitchens… but BETTER! Because improving on something with mass-produced ingredients prepared by angry loners at fry stations is HARD.

Someone Hearing a Classic Song for the First Time: Simple format. The channel finds someone who has never heard, say, Jimi Hendrix. Then, they show footage of that person listening to “All Along the Watchtower” for the first time on while you listen to the song, as well… then, they ask their opinion of the music (spoiler: they like it). More interesting than this would be a biography of an adult who has never heard Jimi Hendrix: Who are they, where did they come from and in what planet’s cavern system have they been living…?

Watching Others Play Video Games: If you thought playing video games was the biggest waste of time, prepare to be wrong and so wrong that your hair will fall out in clumps. There are channels that consist entirely of watching a bunch of guys play video games and the witty banter you’d expect from people who have few friends and have only known the touch of a woman when they teased that lady mall cop.

Stupid Lists: Yeah, I know this one hits a little close to home… I speak of lists, though, like “Best Time Travel Romances” and “Ten Fruits that Can Make Your Thighs Swell Up”. Some people think everything can be quantified and those people are seventy-one percent WRONG. I just saw one that said, “The Top Five Mathematician Movies” when it should’ve been called, “The Only Five Mathematician Movies”

Free” Versions of Movies: This may surprise you but there are movies that I like that are kept far from the public eye. It might be something as complex as a Japanese expressionistic drama or something as simple an an all-nude version of The Tempest. These movies are HARD TO FIND. But, on Youtube, I can find them in a search right away. The results are either a half-screen version with a psychedelic light show going on in the margins; or, a link to a site outside of Youtube where they definitely won’t steal your bank account information.

Dog Rescues: They find a dog by the road. It is starving, frightened, nearly bald from mange with maybe a railroad spike through its head. They show the animal being coaxed, fed, cleaned up, treated and ultimately given to a “forever home” which is what my adult son calls my house. Real tear-jerkers until you find out that, after the video, they re-release the dog back into the wild to star in another video after they’ve been thoroughly starved, frightened and mangy.

Reading Reedit: These are addictive. With categories such as “Choosing Beggar” and “Nuclear Revenge”, someone reads you a story over fifteen minutes that you could probably finish in ninety seconds. These stories usually involve the writer and the antagonist and some kind of ironic and just outcome that is usually pretty satisfying. But, every evil genius is probably just an amoral person who’s good at getting things done.

Clips from Vin Diesel movies: No one wants to see these.

Overselling: “You will DIE when you see how to turn hamburger into gasoline”. You click on the video and it includes neither hamburger nor gasoline and, unless being lied to gives you a heart attack, you don’t die, either.

Off grid housing: Some vegan gets tired of her yurt so she decides the burrow into the Earth like a hobbit. She takes the money she has saved from her Magic Medical Crystal business and builds out in the woods. Yes, we see your round door and we are VERY impressed. Obviously, there is no plumbing or running water… but, it is heated by burning her feces and lit by our friend, the Sun. Eventually, after she loses a toe to frostbite, she will make a video of her moving back in with her parents.

10 thoughts on “From the queue: Part 3

  1. Seriously Charles you have to move past the Vin Diesel thing. He’s a sexy bald guy who makes a lot of money. It’s ok to be envious.

    Like

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