[Terse Llama has agreed to answer some medical FAQs taken from the internet]
What should I do if someone is choking? It depends on who they were choking.
Can you be fat AND healthy? You CAN… DEFINITELY… Just not at the same time…
What should I do if my penis is torn? Run in tight circles, squealing, for about forty-five seconds; then, go into a full-blown panic.
How can I delay my period? You can donate blood five times in the same day. It might stop your period, plus there’ll be COOKIES…
How can I gain weight safely? Put on a bullet-proof vest and a hard hat and eat three cartons of Pop-Tarts…
Can eating too much black licorice be bad for you? Not if you keep your consumption of black licorice at less than two ounces a day. Fairly easy to accomplish because black licorice tastes like a car seat you pulled out of a landfill.
How do I store a stool sample? You store it in the refrigerator in the container provided encased in a ziplock bag with the word “Pudding” plainly printed on it.
Should my child drink alcohol? Doctors don’t recommend a child under the age of eighteen drink alcohol unless they “really need to loosen up”.
How many calories do teenagers need? All of them.
Can I drink alcohol if I’m taking painkillers? How else can you wash down the painkillers?
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Most helpful advice. Especially the pudding label…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wanna know what label I put on the urine sample?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, but no. I’ll just refrain from raiding your fridge….
LikeLiked by 2 people
If the person “someone” is choking happens to be Trump,
Lend a hand and, with Trump in hand, head for the nearest dump.
–VERSE LLAMA
LikeLiked by 1 person
The llama will let that stand!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A torn penis? Oh the pain!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was in a list of medical FAQs… and the list wasn’t really that long…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mine’s long, dude. Long. Oh, wait…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I spent several seconds considering using a synonym for “long” just to discourage this sort of thing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
The Universe often rewards you with the opposite of your intentions. As I often say to Akira, “You just caused exactly what you were trying to prevent.”
I can’t explain this phenomenon, but I know it just is..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like practical advice to me. 🙂
LikeLike
I’m not sure these answers are actually expert.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Are you accusing me of not using a real llama?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I may be suggesting the llama might have exaggerate on his résumé.
LikeLiked by 1 person
She did list Spanish as one of her skills…
LikeLike