How do I test for malaria at home? Move into a medical lab.
How do I cure malaria fast? The same way you cure it slowly only with more running…
Can you have malaria without the fever? Yes, but that seems like a waste of perfectly good malaria.
What parasite is often mistaken for malaria? Frank Stallone.
Name something good about malaria. One of the preventatives for malaria (tonic water) makes a great mixer for gin.
Is it okay to drink tonic water straight? No, to enjoy tonic water by itself, you must be a registered homosexual.
How do I register as a homosexual? If you are a male, just subscribe to Southern Living magazine; if you are female, the LL Bean catalog. In Florida, you can register at the DMV.
Why do people drink vodka-tonic? Mostly for the taste, according to the Institute of Obviously False Statements.
Why does vodka make me feel so good? Because, if you drink enough of it, you can’t remember the atrocities you committed while under the influence of vodka.
What are the side-effects of the malaria vaccine? Mild fever, swelling at the inoculation site and the inability to say, “I really want to contract malaria” with a straight face.
What smells do mosquitoes avoid? Lavender, peppermint, clove, basil and Frank Stallone.
How can I be less attractive to mosquitoes? Light colored clothing, insect repellent, purple suspenders and fedoras.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Considering the amount of gin and tonics I’ve consumed in my life, malaria shouldn’t be a problem. Frank Stallone on the other hand….
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I just saw a Nova on PBS where they talked about the malaria vaccine. Then, Terse Llama had to come by and demand to give her expertise on the matter. She spits, she’s pushy and, for weeks after she leaves, my house smells like llama…
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Sounds like my late MIL….
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Terse Llama seems to know it’s way around malaria and a good stiff drink! Also, I’ll remember to wear a fedora next summer when the air is thick with mosquitos!
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I wear one. It keeps mosquitoes and Frank Stallone away…
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“What parasite is often mistaken for malaria?” I’d have said DONALD TRUMPIUS, but I guess that’s too OBVIOUS.
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I figured more people would know who Frank Stallone was…
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Nah C, just likes to be difficult
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I think Terse Llama is being a bit hard on Frank there. Perhaps she needs to spend a bit of time with Vin … or Fluffy the Wonder Rabbit 🐇
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She spent a weekend with Vin Diesel… She told me that he ate two dozen eggs and then locked himself in the bathroom for thirty-six hours.
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What smells do mosquitoes avoid? Lavender, peppermint, clove, basil and Frank Stallone.
Plus jojoba oil and garlic.
How can I be less attractive to mosquitoes? Light colored clothing, insect repellent, purple suspenders and fedoras.
Most certainly purple suspenders.
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