Solar Eclipse Tips and Facts

A solar eclipse only happens during a new moon. Examine the moon. Does it look old? If so, false alarm, go inside and watch television.

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Use proper eye-wear when viewing an eclipse despite the fact that it makes you look like a cowardly, over-cautious wimp and women will laugh at you…

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If you ignore the previous and use binoculars to see the eclipse, you will probably burn out your retinas; but, to be fair, if you are looking at the sun with binoculars, you’ll probably use those retinas to do something else stupid.

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From personal experience, I can tell you that, during a solar eclipse, roosters will crow and chickens will roost. Let’s face it: Birds aren’t very smart; however, you won’t be seeing any burning out their retinas with binoculars.

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The eclipse will come from Mexico across our southern border. When it does, Donald Trump will accuse the eclipse of taking American jobs and then stare directly into it.

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In ancient times, some American Indian tribes considered a solar eclipse to be the Sun’s fire going out. They would shoot flaming arrows at the eclipse ensuring the Sun would reignite and that the neighboring village would burn down…

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Aztecs would make a blood sacrifice if there was a solar eclipse. As opposed to a normal day when they’d make a blood sacrifice…

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Ancient Greeks and Chinese had methods of predicting eclipses. If a Chinese astronomer failed to predict one, often he was executed. If a Greek astronomer failed, he was usually sentenced to watch one of Ancient Greece’s awful plays.

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A solar power plant can be rendered ineffective during a total solar eclipse. Critics say that it is a sign of solar power’s inefficiency that it might lose power for five minutes every two decades…

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If you can’t get to an area that experiences a total solar eclipse, you can simulate one by waiting twelve hours and then going outside and looking up.