What I Know about J. D. Vance

In most interactions, Vance comes across as someone who is applying for a job as a human being but has no experience being one.

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Doctors have determined through CAT scan that Vance’s head is simply a big piece of meat with a beard glued to it.

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If you have to repeatedly tell the world you DIDN’T have sex with a couch, then you probably had sex with a couch.

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J. D. Vance is right about one thing: We can’t have crazy cat-ladies running the country because, what if Putin attacks while she’s cleaning the litterbox?

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Vance is NOT a flip flopper… He was clear when he called Trump, “America’s Hitler”. He just wasn’t clear as to whether or not he thought that was a good thing.

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J. D. Vance wrote the book, Hillbilly Elegy, about his time growing up as a poor Appalachian while living as a middle-class Ohioan…

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One of Vance’s “ideas” is making the vote of a parent worth more than one of a non-parent. If he’s elected, look for a sweeping federal law that allows anyone to abandon their kids at the zoo forever, if they get too “nuts”…

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J. D. Vance was a lawyer for the Marine Corps. A Marine lawyer is like a regular lawyer except he also has to do push-ups in his underwear.

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Vance has been accused of thinking women were subservient to men; but, in a recent interview Vance said of his wife, “She’s the best thing I ever owned”… Take THAT, childless cat ladies!

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J. D. Vance has looked at all sides, done the research on fossil fuels and alternative energy sources, and he’s come to the conclusion that the best course of action would be to go with whoever gives him the largest bag of money with a dollar sign on it…