Old Men Don’t Like Birthday Gifts

Posted on by masercot

I’d rather rip out my own eyes

than take a gift of more ties.

I’d rather stand wearing only an adult diaper at a rave

than get another bottle of aftershave.

I welcome fruit baskets and expensive cheese

as I would a fatal disease.

And, if I want to take a cooking class or a weekend at the Hyatt

I’ll just byatt.

I’m too old to be fussed over or have things read to me;

but, if you forget to buy me a gift, you’re dead to me…

14 thoughts on “Old Men Don’t Like Birthday Gifts”

    1. Most hitman vouchers are for a generic bare-bones killer. Usually this is just a big guy with a hammer or knife. So, you’ll want add-ons and the price really shoots up after that. I paid an extra three thousand for the killer to say something clever after the deed. He ended up saying, “Bang! You’re dead–did I just kneel in dog feces?”

      I never did get a refund on that…

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      2. I’d hope he’d be concentrated on his work before the killing. My favorite pre-kill clever remark is, “That’s all I wanted to know”… as in, “Did you tell anyone about the drug shipment?”… “No”… “That’s all I wanted to know”. Even works if you just want to confuse someone…

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      3. See, that’s why you check on the ratings before you hire the first hitman you see! Do I have to teach you everything there is about criminal enterprises, old man? 🙂 Gotta make sure they deliver everything they promise.

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Published by masercot