What I miss most about sex is the bitter sarcasm after…
♫
Everybody makes mistakes; that’s why pencils have erasers. People must be punished for their mistakes; that’s why pencils have a sharpened point.
♫
“Two heads are better than one”, I told my wife; but, she wanted a normal baby.
♫
If the red giant star Betelgeuse were put at the center of our solar system, it would extend to Jupiter, immolating the inner planets including Earth; so, if you put Betelgeuse at the center of our solar system, you’d better have a good reason…
♫
I think the rapture would be a lot more popular if the general public got to choose who’d be taken away. That’s how we got rid of Peaches and Herb…
♫
The man, getting off of a very crowded subway, muttered, “Now, I know what a sardine feels like” which is the weirdest empathy ever.
♫
As far as science goes, the ancient Greeks were a mixed bag: They invented plane geometry and recorded histories and philosophy; but, they also thought a giant named “Atlas” held up the sky.
♫
The big guy advanced on me, rolling up his sleeves. I held up a finger and said, “You call what you have ‘strength’? TRUE strength is tinged heavily with COMPASSION”. I realized, during the beating, that his fake strength was nearly as effective as true strength.
♫
Technically, the enemy of your enemy is not your friend. The correct term is “enemy-in-law” or “step-enemy” if your enemy has red hair…
♫
She tried pressing all of my permanent-press shirts. The ironing is not lost on me.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
My father used to eat sardines on toast. No empathy whatsoever…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to eat them with saltines; but, I saw a spine, on time, and I was done with sardines…
LikeLiked by 1 person
For that guy to really know what a sardine feels like, he’d have to be dead.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And, in a mild mustard sauce…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess not having your shirts ironed while you’re wearing them counts as a small victory. And now I want to eat sardines. I have no empathy at all. Or a heart. I guess.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Never had a shirt ironed while on me, but my mom did once sew a button on my shirt in the morning just before I left for school. When I got to gym class I discovered she’d sewn it to my underwear, so I had to rip the button off to get undressed.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I have done that (the sewing the button, not into the undies) to my brother, and boyfriend, too. when you’re in a hurry, every minute counts!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I lived in Florida as a child, out in the rural part. We had neither heat nor air conditioning. I can totally see my mom, in an effort to keep us warm, ironing our shirts while we wore them. She never did, but it sounds like something she might do.
LikeLiked by 2 people
My mom did iron our school shirts right before we put them on when it was cold. I guess that’s second best to ironing them with you inside. But I can see why, we didn’t have US levels of cold, but where we lived, we had the two extremes, from 104 summer to 59 winter was pretty harsh for us anyway. I would ask mom if she ever considered ironing my clothes with me inside, but I don’t want to give her any ideas! 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people