He thought he could get away by running into that mob of cannibals but the crowd swallowed him up…
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There are only two items left on my bucket list: First, I’d like to make my own sauerkraut; then, I’d like to die of sadness.
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Majorie Taylor Green spun around to confront the man in the crowd that called her “horse-face”. It was at this point that her jockey fell off.
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I was doing research into an anti-diarrhea drug, but I couldn’t afford lab animals; so, I just fed it to park pigeons. Then, check nearby statues.
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The doctor said, “Usually, in cases like this, we prescribe a regimen of antibiotics”. “Do you have any treatment that is a little more aggressive?”, I asked. “Yes”, said the doctor, “A regimen of antibiotics followed by a punch in the jaw”
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Whenever we went up to Spokane, my wife would insist on clubbing with her friends. So, I’d be left with a pile of dead baby seals that I didn’t know what to do with…
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When someone tells you, “it isn’t what it looks like”, what they are actually saying is, “I believe you ARE as stupid as you appear”…
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To this day, I’ve NEVER used the term “German Reformation” sarcastically. But, I’ve got some Lutherans coming by for dinner, tomorrow… so… fingers crossed!
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Here’s a tip: If you buy a tenderloin roast for Christmas, for God’s sake do NOT let your kids name it. They’ll get attached to it, adopt it as a pet and YOU’LL be the one walking it at eleven o’clock…
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It’s a shame that endorphins are only secreted when there is physical activity or pain. I could really use them for chronic existential dread.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
re: the anti-diarrheal drug. My mom used to tell people they were full of prunes. It took me a while to figure out what that meant.
As for death, Edward Gorey wrote “N is for Neville, who died of ennui.”
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Prunes were a very real part of my life as a child. Sometimes, they’d try to rehydrate them by poaching them in sweetened liquids. No matter how full of prunes I got, it never lasted long…
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My niece referred to them as “big raisins” and never liked it when her mom made her eat them, as in: “Not the big raisins!”
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From my experience, every tenth prune or so tastes like something that came out of an ox’s ear…
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That’s what wrong with this country. Not nearly enough German Reformation humor….
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Why are Master’s Degrees so much more difficult at Lutheran universities? They have to complete 95 theses.
I’m here all week… try the veal…
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As long as veal means what I think it means. I learned that, in France, filet mignon means raw pork tenderloin that’s heated up a bit.
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I draw the line at under-cooked pork. If I’m making a pork roast I usually cook it low and slow so there are no mistakes…
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But then you miss out on all of the brain worms that add flavor, protein, and interesting texture.
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