Note to Self

Note to Self: I need to keep my copy of Covering up an Embarrassing Drinking Problem For Dummies in my desk drawer… the lockable one…

Note to Self: If my anecdote about my trip to the grocery store requires bathroom breaks, I should concentrate on just the main themes.

Note to Self: If someone invites you to go to a costume party with them and they go as Obi Wan, you are obligated to dress as Obi Two because you are their plus one…

Note to Self: If someone threatens me with “You’re dead and you just don’t know it, yet”, I should take comfort in the fact that, if I WERE dead, I’d at least suspect it…

Note to Self: If my new girlfriend says that she wants to have sex in a graveyard, just make sure it’s me she’s planning to have sex with.

Note to Self: Build a tornado shelter so that local tornadoes have somewhere to go after they leave an abusive relationship. It won’t just blow over…

Note to Self: You can get cabin fever simply by being snowed in. You can also contract it by eating an unwashed cabin…

Note to Self: Remember why you don’t see sixty-four year olds doing cartwheels instead of just remembering why later as doctors try to put your spine back together.

Note to Self: Karate is a self-defense technique that uses kicks and punches; whereas, taekwondo offers all that, PLUS after-school care.

Note to Self: If you wear a wig on top of your normal hair, you’ll understand what it is like to have ingrown heads.